Do you ever feel like you’re your own worst critic? You set goals, make plans, and then suddenly find yourself veering off course, tripped up by negative thoughts and self-doubt. Welcome to the club!
I recently listened to Dr. Judy Ho excellent audiobook: 4 ways to stop self sabotage. It is a short 30 minuted audiobook and has great tips and strategies. Self-sabotage is a surprisingly common phenomenon, but the good news is that it’s also conquerable.
the Four Horsemen of Self-Sabotage
- L – Low Self-Concept: We all have moments of insecurity, but a chronically shaky self-belief can be a major roadblock. If you don’t believe in your abilities, how can you expect to achieve your goals?
- I – Internalized Beliefs: Those limiting voices in your head? They might be echoes of negative messages you received from childhood or early experiences. These internalized beliefs can hold you back, even if they’re no longer factually accurate.
- F – Fear of Change: Stepping outside our comfort zones can be scary. The unknown presents risks and challenges, and many of us prefer the familiar, even if it means stagnation. However, growth often requires embracing change.
- E – Excessive Need for Control: Type-A personalities, rejoice! (Or maybe not.) This need to control everything can lead to procrastination, perfectionism, and a constant anxiety about “doing it right.”
These four factors, interwoven with our “triggers” (those quick, automatic negative thoughts), lay the foundation for self-sabotage. Triggers are part of our self-defense system where we react instinctively to something we perceive as a form of threat.
Instead of reacting immediately, the trick is to slow down, inject time and formulate the right response.
four strategies to disarm your inner gremlin
Dr. Ho suggests four strategies to disarm your inner gremlin and take control of your journey:
- Question Your Thoughts: Don’t accept every negative thought as gospel. Challenge them! Ask yourself if they’re based on evidence, balanced, and representative of the big picture. Remember, your thoughts aren’t reality; they’re just stories you tell yourself.
- Modify Your Narrative: Instead of dwelling on the negative, flip the script! Use “yes, but” statements to acknowledge the challenges while adding a positive spin. This reframing can shift your perspective and build your confidence.
- Detach from the Drama: Negative thoughts can feel overwhelming, but they don’t have to control you. Label them, observe them, and gently let them go. Remember, they’re just mental events, not reflections of your actual worth.
- Lean in to Your Feelings: Instead of pushing away negative emotions, try visualizing them. Give them a shape, color, and texture. Understanding your emotions can help you process them and move forward. Conversely, ignoring them and they tend to linger.
Overcoming self-sabotage is a journey. There will be bumps along the way, but every challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow. By understanding your triggers, questioning your thoughts, and practicing self-compassion, you can rewrite your narrative and become your own biggest cheerleader.
The key is to be very intentional about it! First, you have to acknowledge and “catch yourself” when these triggers fire. Then, you need to slow down, inject time and engage the 4 strategies above. It may feel difficult at first, but it gets easier over time.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Charles Bukowski
